


Broken & Beautiful

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Series: Malec Oneshots (smut-free) [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26261155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: Magnus is raging. "I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much," he screams at Alec. "Why don't you just tell me what's bothering you?" Alec asks, his voice firm but fraying on the edges. "I don't need your help," is all that Magnus offers him. "Magnus, I know that you're hurting. Why don't you just tell me what happened?"
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Malec Oneshots (smut-free) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854829
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	Broken & Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the identically named song by Kelly Clarkson. Quotes from the lyrics are italicised.

Magnus is raging. "I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much," he shouts at Alec. "Why don't you just tell me what's bothering you?" Alec asks, his voice firm but fraying on the edges. " _I don't need your help_ ," is all that Magnus offers him. "Magnus, I know that you're hurting. Why don't you just tell me what happened?" Alec pleads. But that's the point. Nothing happened. Not today at least. Just an incisional hernia on his scarred soul. That's what happened. And it's pathetic. 

" _I don't need sympathy_ ," Magnus spits out. "I don't need you to pamper me. I'm not a lost puppy!" Alec retorts, " _I know_ you're _strong_. _I know_ you _'ve got this_. But you don't need to hide things from me. I know that you're _phenomenal_ and believe me when I say you are _enough_. Nothing you'd tell me could change the way I see you. I just want you to open up."

Alec once thought that Magnus would be the relationship expert but he has to spell it all out for his stubborn as hell boyfriend. "You _bury_ your _emotion_ s _and pretend that_ you _'re just fine_. But that's not how it works. I am your partner. Don't push me away!" he begs.

" _I'm tired. Can I just be tired?_ " Magnus sighs, slumping into the sofa. Alec kneels down in front of him. "Of course you can be tired. Dealing with emotions is draining," he says and strokes his hands soothingly over Magnus' thighs. "Do you want to go to bed?" he asks softly. Magnus shakes his head no. "What do you need?"

Tears are burning in Magnus' eyes and he tries to hold them back. He knows what he needs. But it's so hard to ask for it. He must be strong. He can't burden Alec with his past. He should be able to deal with it on his own. But he's so fucking tired. And this fight drained the last energy he possessed ten minutes ago.

"I'm _feeling like I'm failing and I'm losing my mind_." He sighs and his shoulders drop. There's not an ounce of fighting spirit left in him. And he hates it. Hates that he needs somebody else to steady himself. He hates that he's needy. In front of Alec of all people. Alec who just Won't. Back. Down.

His last resistance crumbles to dust when he sees the worry in his boyfriend's face. " _Can_ you _just hold me?_ " Magnus asks. His voice is tiny and shaking. Alec gets up and envelopes him in his arms. Magnus sinks into the embrace and settles his head on his chest. Tears are soaking Alec's shirt and he feels useless. He can't lift the weight off Magnus' shoulders much less off Magnus' heart. He knows that. But he still wants to be there for him. He doesn't want to be shut out whenever his boyfriend feels vulnerable and weak.

"What else can I do?" he whispers into Magnus' hair. "Just ... _don't_ try to _fix me_." Alec exhales long and audible. "I don't, Magnus. That's not what I'm shooting for." Magnus raises his head and looks up into Alec's warm and tender eyes. "You don't?" he asks in disbelief. "No. I just want to know what's going on. I know you've been around for a long time. And I know that you've got hurt and you built yourself up again and again. I know that I'm not able to fix this. It's a part of you. I just don't want you to put on a brave face for me. That's all."

"But I don't want you to see me like that," Magnus murmurs. "Why?" Alec asks softly. "I don't want you to see this ugly side of me," Magnus replies. Alec sighs. "Magnus, I want all sides of you. Not only the glittering, shining ones. ALL of them. Because I want all of YOU. And your brokenness is as important as every other part of you. It's what made you the man you are today. The man I fell in love with. You're _broken and it's beautiful_." He softly brushes the tears from Magnus' cheeks.

Magnus shakes his head. Then a strangled laugh bursts out of him. He is fiddling with his ear cuff and a small smile grows on his exhausted face. " _I'm broken and it's beautiful_."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I'd love to know what you think.


End file.
